Bizarre Bacchanalian Rites Afoot?

The Dunster Goat Roast is a pretty strange tradition, screaming medieval more than 21st-century liberal institute of higher learning. Turns out, the Goat Roast is as puzzling to the public as it is to me. I received the following e-mail from Dunster’s HoCo Saturday morning:

This morning a woman was walking along Memorial Drive and saw the goat carcass in our courtyard. Later she saw two sheep heads displayed in front of Eliot House, and called the Cambridge Police. Your Dunster House Committee is in no way involved in this latter incident, but we are obviously still concerned for our house’s image and that of the university. That said, HUPD is now also involved, but more importantly so is the media.

IF YOU ARE ASKED ANY QUESTIONS OR ASKED TO GIVE ANY COMMENTS, WE ASK YOU TO PLEASE SAY “NO COMMENT.” They are not allowed in the house but they will likely be outside of it, and might try to talk to you as you exit. We want to make it very clear that we ask this of you not because we don’t want you to be able to voice your opinions, but rather because there is information unavailable to you, and we want to give them the most clear idea of what happened.

A camera crew parked on DeWolfe Street tried to interview me, but I refused to give up the secrets of my House. I will say, though, that this article has it ludicrously wrong.

The remains of a dead goat were found hanging on a fence yesterday outside Dunster House, one of the oldest dormitories at Harvard University, but showed no signs of abuse or cruelty, a Cambridge animal control official said.

The animal had already been slaughtered when it was brought to Dunster House on Memorial Drive for an annual goat roast organized by anthropology majors, the official said. …

McCabe said the goat roast is part of a spring ritual at Dunster House, a stately, red-brick building overlooking the Charles River. “My understanding is the anthropology department has a goat feast,” he said. “I guess this is part of what they do. The byproducts get used as a display.”

Perhaps the Goat Roast has its origins in the anthro department, but today, it’s a tradition that’s pure Dunster.

The Harvard Independent Great Literary Figure Costume Contest

The Harvard Independent co-sponsored the Great Literary Figure Costume Contest on April 12, 2008. Along with the Harvard Square Business Association and as part of the Square’s “Bookish Ball” festivities, the Independent coordinated the Costume Contest to give contestants an opportunity to dress up as their favorite literary character and compete for a range of fantastic prizes.

Which contestant had the best costume?

Which literary figure do you think should have won?

Click here to vote for your favorite candidate.

The contestant who wins this online election will be featured on the back page of the Harvard Independent next week.

Voting closes Sunday, April 20 at 12 midnight.

An Ode to my Grandparents

For all the Cuban grandchildren out there:

The Independence of Kosovo Has Just Been Canceled, Kthxbye

From the Facebook Cause Group “Save Kosovo”

Liveblogs are Not Supposed to Be Funny.

Or at least that’s what I’m going to start using as an excuse. Unfortunately, due to this really annoying thing called “school” that keeps meddling in my extracurriculars, I won’t be able to write the corresponding article to the liveblog (which will be good! and was the point in liveblogging the whole thing) tomorrow.

Inaugural UC Meeting Liveblog Starts Now

Your humble correspondent (Bill O’Reilly hasn’t trademarked this phrase yet, right?) has, throughout the course of the night, braved all sort of natural disasters, from angry shuttle drivers that wouldn’t let her on the bus to the first harbinger of the Apocalypse to fall over Massachusetts since Terry McAuliffe became a superdelegate: thundersnow. At the moment, the high-brow UC meeting consists of SAC Chair Jon Staff dancing to Digital Underground’s “Humpty Hump” around Harvard Hall 104, but I am told this is a completely serious meeting, so I’m not smiling just yet. Concerns over my identity are also arising as I slowly realize that I am here tonight to praise and poke fun at the guy I was running against merely two months ago. But- hey!- at least Sundquist doesn’t play polo, so I have no fear of him jousting into the room and impaling me anytime soon.

Super serious reporting starts now.

UC Inaugural Liveblog, 7 PM ET Right here

Need to take a break from the madness of elections that actually matter to the rest of the world? So do we. That’s why we’re hosting the first UC Inaugural liveblog tonight at 7 PM, live from Harvard Hall 104, where UC president and vp elects Matt Sundquist and Randall Sarafa will give an address about improving our lives or something and then we are told a UC meeting will happen? Well, we hope to escape the UC meeting aspect of it all before it’s too late, but stay tuned for the latest on the inaugural addresses. Feel fortunate: a thundersnow scare almost lead us to believe we would miss the momentous occasion, but the wacky weather has changed for the better. Exclusive coverage here on the Indy blog!

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More Proof that Chuck Norris is Trying to Take Over the World

So we’ve got the World Net Daily articles, those darn facts of his (”Now, what I want is, Facts.”), and, of course, his ubiquity in the God-endorsed Mike Huckabee campaign. Carlos Ray Norris (alias “Chuck”) really seems to be up to something.

Unabashed in his obviously devious plan to take over the world, Chuck has already endorsed statements such as “Chuck Norris doesn’t endorse; he tells America how it’s gonna be.” But little did we know that he would be personally coming after our Godless liberal haven here in Cambridge.

On the interactive email list “Throptalk”, the main communication device for those unfortunate enough to live by the abominably filthy Charles River, a communication from a tutor about a hard drive malfunction (and a plea to get more people on the list-serv) resulted in an unfunny, irrelevant, and absurd declaration: “Even Chuck Norris lurks on Throptalk!”

Now is the part where I chastise Winthrop House for being so lame. “Throptalk???” Really?? That’s the best you can do? Not even just plain “Winthrop-list”? Oh well, I guess it’s still better than “moose-droppings”. Also, you guys are still making Chuck Norris jokes? That’s so sophomore year of high school.

Back to the subject at hand. The innocent jab at Walker Texas Ranger seemed to have awakened his omniscient ire, because a few emails later, this appeared in all Throptalk subscriber’s inbox:

Chuck Norris cnorris at fas.harvard.edu
Thu Jan 17 19:14:11 EST 2008

Yer damn right I do.

Oh. My. God. He is here. He is everywhere. There is nowhere left to hide. I hope he hasn’t found out I’m voting for Giuli… er, nevermind. Nothing. I didn’t say anything. *quivers in fear*

For Those of You that Keep Giving Our Blog Hits in Your Search for Lena Chen Soft Porn…

This is the best I can do for you, boys: enjoy!

p.s.- Lena, if this pisses you off, just let me know and I’ll take it down. We’re just desperate for hits here.